Today I am taking a day off from talking about myself and my problems.  You see tomorrow in my ella’s sixth birthday and I have been thinking about that little girl all day.  I still have to sit and compose my letter to her which I write every year on her birthday to remind myself and someday her of all the wonderful things she has accomplished at the age of 5.

Today I am taken back six years to the day before she was born.  I woke up around 4:30am with some amazing stomach cramps.  Being that I have colitis, I naturally thought that I was just having some pains.  Around 8:30 am, I went to the washroom and noticed some stuff that isn’t usually there (sorry to any guys that read this).  I decided to call the doctor and he assured me that all was well and to get myself to the hospital.  I called Tom and off we went.  From the time we got there, it seemed that nurses and doctors tried everything they could to get my ella to come out.  I was induced TWICE, I had my water broken but none of it worked.  She stayed put.  Her heart rate kept plummeting, so a nurse sat in my room every minute to watch the monitor.  I remember thinking, why not just go in and take her if you are so worried – I did not carry this baby for 9 months, quit smoking, eat healthy, drink milk which I hate, take vitamins that made me sick, throw up for 6 out of 9 months just to have something go wrong now because you would rather me go naturally!!!  When they broke my water, they also noticed that she had swallowed some of her mucanium – for those of you that don’t know what that is – I am not really going to explain, lets just say she got something back in her mouth that had come out of her to begin with.  That also had them worried which in turn worried me.

So, now 23 hours later, the nurse finally says that it is time to start pushing.    I pushed for almost an hour and she would not come out, she had to be sucked out – poor little thing with a cone head L   When she finally came out, of course she was the most beautiful baby in the world and I am not just saying that – she had the biggest eyes, some would say they were to big for her little cone head – she has since grown into them quite nicely.

She was not a quiet baby – not by any stretch of the imagination – she cried, and cried and then cried some more.  I think she only slept about 10 hours a day which as any mother knows is not even close to what they should sleep.  I just thank god she was my first so that when she did finally sleep – I could sleep.

She has brought me more joy than I ever thought any single person could bring to my life.  She has already become a very independent young lady.  She can get herself totally ready to leave in the morning without even a reminder from me.  She is already becoming a shopping companion, a lunch date and I want her to think of me as somewhat of a friend.  I want her to be able to tell me anything, ask me anything without thinking she will be judged.  I am already drilling into her that I am always here for her no matter what.  I tell her that as long as she always tells me the truth, I will support her.  I assure her that she is a beautiful and smart little girl.  I want her to grow up knowing these things and what other people think of her is not all that important.  Its scary to think that little girls already talk about pretty, skinny, fat, ugly, stupid at her age but they do.  I don’t want her to judge people based on their appearances, to look past their clothes, their body type, their faces.  Find a friend, a love from the inside out.

I know that yes, I do shop for her at all the trendy stores and she knows the difference between the gap and walmart but I try to make her see that clothes are just that.

I want her to become a mature, confident and fulfilled woman – I want her to find true love and let it find her.  I want her to be everything to someone and I want to know that she is taken care of but also that she can take care of herself.

So today and everyday – I will love and adore my Ella Bella.

Happy birthday sweet pea –

All my love

Mom