I love my husband’s family….If I keep saying it, will it be true?  I have so many issues with these people, it is unbelievable.  Shockingly, me having an affair brought us closer together and his family and their way of life drives a wedge between us everyday.  Don’t get me wrong, MOST of them are incredible people and would do anything for us and our children.  BUT….there are so many things that get under my skin about these people.

Let’s start with my inlaws.  They come across as loving and caring people, but their relationship with eachother and with their children has so much to be desired.  My father in law is about 120 lbs soaking weight, which is about half the size of either of his sons and his wife for that matter, but he is the boss of the house.  He treats my mother in law like a slave, he won’t even get his own glass of water.  Thank God that those old Italian ways have since died(at least with most men).  He complains about her cooking, which is amazing by the way.  I have tried to tell him to cook his own meals if he doesn’t like it, to which I get a half smile like he knows that will never happen.  He has on ocassion tried to tell me what to do, to which I always have a smart ass comment.  When we were building our house, he told me that he hated my tiles which are 3 different shapes and sizes and a little Spanish looking.  I hunted for these tiles for weeks and was so excited to have found them.  So, when he said this, I simply said, so, don’t come over and you’ll never have to look at them.  He hates that my house is siding and not brick (the wop way).  My house has the old Victorian style to it, wrap around porch, big rounded windows on the one side.  It would look ridiculous bricked.  He tried to tell us how to spend and save our money.  He has a girlfriend and everyone knows about it and just ignore it.  I hate the way old Italian women let their men walk all over them.  He literally supports my brother in law and his family, and this is no exaggeration.  He owns their house, their vehicles and pays all their bills and they have 5 children.  They are a blog all in themselves.  So, because of this, he says what goes in that house.  Tells them when to turn the heat/air conditioning on and off, lights and complains all the time.  They can’t argue, he owns them.  They tried to do the same for us but I refused, got a mortgage and he can’t own us.

My mother in law is a sweet, caring and giving woman.  She does love me and my children but she is very manipulative when it comes to her boys.  My hubby is her oldest, he favorite and she will tell everyone who wants to hear it, even her other children.  She hates that Tom does laundry, vacuums, washes dishes and so on.  She obviously doesn’t think it is a man’s place but guess what, my house, and as long as I have a full time job, he will help or as I have told him, he could move back in with his mommy.  He absolutely loves his mom, he will do whatever she wants, whenever.  I asked him for 2 months to hang my new picture up in the living room.  Never did it.  She calls and needs something done, he runs over and does it.  Drives me insane!!!  She always has an opinion on everything we do. She “suggests” things to Joe.  She is like Clay’s mom from sex in the city.  You know the slight touch of the hand with the suggestion and he does exactly what she wants.  When we built the house, I wanted to get that spray grass on stuff that makes it grow.  Tom was iffy about it, his mother suggests it and all of a sudden, it’s a great idea.  I was so angry.  Case in point #2 – we were having a bday party for me and we were going to order pizza for supper.  He calls me at work and says he mom thinks we shouldn’t order pizza.  I tell him to tell her not to come then because we are having pizza.  I tell her not to give my kids pop, I don’t think they ever need to taste this.  My daughter tells me she let her try it.  WHY?  Just because I said not to.  So now when she suggests things about the kids, I tell her that next time she has one, she can do whatever she likes but these 2 came out of ME.  I appreciate her help with watching them on some days but if she can’t follow the few small rules I have, I would rather send them to daycare.  I know she helps out so much but she still needs to feel in control of the whole family.  She thinks I spend too much money on clothes for the kids.  Why does Ella need new shoes, her old ones are fine.  Because – I liked them and I can afford to give them everything.  She thinks I should have another child, why you ask?  Because if something happens to one of them, at least they will still have a sibling!!!!!!!Nice, is all I could say to that.  I need to write about my brother in law and his wife but they are about 3 posts all in themselves.  I will try to get one in today because their craziness is amazing.  So, I say it again – I love my inlaws, I love my inlaws….

I guess I have been MIA lately. Haven’t really felt like writing too much. My chronic pain from my colitis seems to be attacking me physically and mentally these days. Depression has set in. When my colitis decides to rear its ugly head, my days and nights become painful. I rush to the washroom on numerous occasions to, pardon my frankness, discard of my insides one way or another. I don’t eat and yet I can still visit the restroom about 100 times a day ensuring a signifigent weight loss of 10lbs or more in about a week. My friends that need to lose a few extra pounds always say, I’ll take your problem for about a month. Well, I would take 50 extra pounds if I could just rid my body of this disease. At times I wonder what I did to deserve this and then I remember, oh yes, I cheated on an all so loving husband….

Wow, do I sound morbid this morning.

I guess the end of my story is upon us so I will update you on a few things that happened between Owen’s birth and today before I start a new story. I have to decide who’s story I will tell, my sister and a friend of mine have both had a pretty interesting couple of years.

Anyhoo, Owen seemed to be the glue that permanately put our family back together. Tom was the proud papa of the million dollar family and he loved us, he loved me. I do know that I love him and I will never betray my wedding vows again but I also know that my one great love came and left my life twice. He will always be considered that one that got away, the romeo to my juliette the ross to my Rachel, the big to my carrie with the only difference being that all of those couples ended up in the end. Note to self: real life does not imitate art. Why is it that on TV or in the movies, the people that should be together, the ones that you are pulling for the entire time actually end up together. The immature men grow up, the self sufficient woman admits she needs him, and they live happily ever after. I blame this never changing basis for every romantic hollywood movie for my fantasy of what life with D would have been like. He would have changed, grown up, taken responsibility for his actions and his life. We would have run into eachothers arms at the end of each day and made the most amazing love until our bodies were spent. We would never have anything to fight about, our hearts would always be filled with love for eachother and we would have lived for only one another. Stupid, crazy, insane - are these are the words that are crossing your lips or minds while you are reading this? I know all this NOW, but where were you people then to tell me - HA!

I have bumped into D on occasion and yes, the butterflies are still there when I look into his eyes. He went back to that woman. Last year I heard rumblings about an engagement. I don’t know why, but it hurt, A LOT. I guess its one of those, I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you. But a couple of months after that, D held true to form and cheated on her, again. She kicked him out, again, and took him back, again. All I could think was that could have been me, had I chosen to stay with him. Or maybe he was telling the truth, that with me, he would have been different, he would be faithful? I guess now I’ll never know. He has spoken to me on occasion, when we have both been alone on our encounters. I have seen him look into my daughters eyes, searching for some glimpse of recognition, a glimmer that she might remember this man who loved her for a while. He doesn’t get it, she has no recollection of him. It is sad, in a way but I am sure it is for the best, no questions that way. We’ve chatted, made small talk and he has tried to induce conversation about whether I feel I am better off, happier, blah blah. I nix that before it gets too far and we start reminiscing about way back when and what if because honestly, I will always wonder. I am not saying I would ever revisit that part of my life, but I will always wonder and I am OK with that, I guess. Yes, I still dream about him, think about him and wonder if he is alright. BUT, this is the life I have chosen and even though Tom is not my one great love, I can say he loves me deeply and would do anything to ensure my happiness and our children’s. He is an incredible provider, we do not want for anything and have more that most people dream of. At least I can say, yes, I have had that one spectacular powerful love. Yes, I have met my soulmate, I have tried and tried to no avail to make it the greatest love story. I have had the most amazing mind blowing sex that will always be remembered physically and mentally and nothing could ever surpass that. I also know how fortunate I am to have what I do. An adoring, caring and loving husband, two amazingly exceptionally gorgeous and talented children(is that biased, I have a tendency to brag). I have a beautiful home and the ability to buy anything I want without a second thought. I live a very comfortable life and I have seen the other side. The uncontrollability of that all consuming love, where that is all you think about. I am quite content, happy, comfortable and I guess that is all one could ever ask for out of this life and leave the rest to the movies...............