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21 February Your Opinion PleaseI have been reading everyone’s blogs and they have all been so interesting that I thought I would start a sort of opinion poll today. I am curious as to what all of your opinions are.
Stay at home moms vs. working moms
I guess considering I am a working mom, I must side with working moms. I have days when I want to quit my job and spend every moment with my children but then I snap back to reality. I watch the other moms picking up their kids at school, they socialize, talk about play groups and what 4 course meal they will make for supper. All the while, I am timing myself because it is my lunch hour so I must get ella away from her friends, in the truck, to daycare and back to work in record time. I do envy them sometimes and I know Ella does as well. She sometimes asks me why I never help at school like the other kids moms? I try to explain that I make a point of coming to every school trip without fail but the in class help is not possible. I tell her that I work so that she can have all those toys and shoes (yes, she is a shoe hog already). I tell her that all those Disney trips are paid for with my money (not totally true but the easiest way to see my point). She tells me that she understands but I still see the sad look on her face that you never want to see on your child’s face. I know that no explaining will take away how she feels when I am not there and so and so’s mother is. At times, it breaks my heart to the point where I cry to Tom that I want to quit and take care of my family. He assures me that I am a good mother and if I want to quit, he is behind me. He also reminds me that in 2 years, both kids will be in school full time and then what will I do with myself all day long. He gives me the same speech everytime I start to feel guilty. Before we had Ella, he told me that he didn’t want me to work. He really thought he wanted his wife to stay at home. I tried it but I was going looney, I had to work. I am not posing the question is it wrong to be a working mom, my question is a little more complicated. Is it wrong to be a working mom when the reason you work is not to keep the household running, when money is not the issue, is it wrong to still work?
When is it too much?
I grew up with all the comforts of knowing my every need would be taken care of. I never needed anything and most of my wants were also fulfilled. I didn’t get everything I wanted but I did get a lot. So now that I have kids, when is to much enough. My kids have always been spoiled, not only by us but by all of our friends and family. My daughter has never known what it is like to want for anything and not get it. I know I will be getting some pretty opinions here but I am being honest. She has a TV, VCR, DVD player in her room along with a little CD radio, her V-Tech video game. Her closet is so full that there are clothes in there that she outgrows before she ever wears them and I still buy new ones everytime I go into a kids store. She owns about 25 pairs of shoes ( I know what I am creating here). If we go into walmart and she sees something she wants, chances are she will get it if not this trip, the next one. She got the leapster hand held game for Christmas that costs $120 and the games are $40 - she has 4. At least I can say it is an educational game, we don’t have playstation or anything like that. All of their games are educational – you must give me points for that at least. We have a portable DVD player for any long trips or plane rides. They have become accustomed to going to Disneyland every year. My daughter is 5 and has been there 3 times. My first visit was with her. I don’t think she can appreciate anything she has because of this. My question is this: can a child learn to appreciate what she has when she has everything she wants?
Can you ever really be forgiven for cheating?
I know that you have read my story about how I got to where I am today. You all know that I cheated and that I did end up saving my marriage in the end. We are happy together but sometimes I wonder if he wonders if I would, could do it again if I had the chance. I think that I know 100% that I would never put Tom through that again. I may get butterflies everytime he touches me but I think that goes away in any relationship and I think I understand that now. I guess what I am asking is, do you ever get fully redeemed after cheating, or is there never a day that goes by that you don’t wonder if it will happen again?
This one is for the men mostly!
Do men do things just to piss us off?
I know that the women will hear me on this one. Why is it that no matter how many times we ask you not to leave the lid off the toothpaste, you still do it? We move the hamper to the area where you are throwing your dirty clothes, so instead of using it, you start to throw them somewhere else? We leave the dishwasher open and you still put your glass in the sink? We ask you to call us if you will be late for dinner, yet we still sit and wait well past what we consider late only to hear, oh my god, is it that late when you finally make it through the door? I just want to know, do you all have secret meetings about what you did today to annoy your wife, is there some secret men’s club that teaches you how to leave the toilet seat up?
I think that’s it for today, I’ll see what else I can come up with and don’t worry, I promise to finish my story soon. I just wanted to write a couple of lighter entries for a while. 20 February nursesI had read something on Darlene’s space today that made me think about all the nurses that I have encountered in my lifetime. There are some that stand out in my memory for being outstanding and some that lack any of the human factor that I believe all medical care providers need to have. I will say this much, when it comes my time to go, I want Darlene by my side to make my last days tolerable for me as well as my family. When I was having my first child, the nurse who was on duty was amazing. She was born to help women bring children into this world. She didn’t sugar coat what was about to happen to me but she empathized with the fact that I was terrified with not knowing what it was going to be like. She never left my room because my daughter’s heart rate kept plummeting and they were scare for her. She should have been a c-section, so many things could have gone wrong but that is a post for another day! She sat in there and made small talk with me when I had no company and she was wonderful with my husband, family and friends when they came to visit during my 26 hours of labour. She assured my mother that everything was fine when she saw the look of a worried mother on her face. She told me that this baby was going to be born on her shift one was or another. She was right. She helped me through my 3 hours of pushing, she encouraged me when she saw the look of defeat when I just couldn’t do it anymore. She will always be remembered fondly. The nurse who took over the next day is a different story. She told me that all good mothers breastfeed even though she saw how much difficulty I was having with it. She told me that it should just come naturally and that women nowadays just can’t be bothered. That was not the case, I wanted it to work, I wanted to breastfeed. It just wasn’t working so instead of starving my child, I gave her a bottle. I also told the nurse that she was rude and insensitive and that I didn’t need or want her comments anymore. I told her to just come in and do her job and not talk to me anymore. She was older and couldn’t believe that I had just talked to her that way. So I told her that was my nice way of calling her a bitch. She never said another word to me again – fine by me! When my daughter was about 4 months old, I took her into the emergency room because she was having spills everywhere and had a fever. The nurse asked me why I hadn’t called my pediatrician before I came in. Those are the rules, call first, then come in. Did I not understand them. She was so rude. I let into her too, Sorry but I am a brand new mother who doesn’t understand the stupid line of command. I have a sick baby and all I cared about was getting her here so she didn’t die so excuse me for not stopping to check the rules. She shut up after that. When I had my son, I did not have 1 kind nurse. It was a terrible experience – thank god the outcome was at least rewarding. They poked, proded, flipped me, shoved. It was all so rough and annoying. I was so upset during the whole thing, it’s a wonder Owen actually came out. When owen was 3 months old, he was in the hospital for RVC and had to sleep in what we called a bubble. He was so small but he was an angel, never fussed. Most of the nurses during our stay were pretty cool, I remember a couple of them coming in to watch survivor with me. So no complaints that time. I was in the emergency room once for a colitis attack. I was in a lot of pain and promised a pain killer. 2 hours went by and not one nurse came in. There was also another man in the room who was promised a painkiller and nothing. He kept ringing the nurse bell or going out into the hallway to ask. The nurse kept telling him to get back to bed and she would get to him when she had time. The one time she walked in and he asked. She literally yelled at him at the top of her lungs. Sit down and shut the hell up or I’ll make you wait another hour. I will get to you when I have time. I couldn’t believe how rude she was so when she walked my, I called her a bitch and told her to go get some social skills. She gave me a dirty look. When she finally came in with my painkiller – still not his though. She said that he was being so annoying so I asked her nicely. “Have you ever been in pain and have no one care, isn’t it your job to care? In the time, you came in to yell at him, you could have just gave him the painkiller.” She didn’t say anything. I will never forget that witch. Friday night, I went to the emergency room because I have been having a problem catching my breath for a few days now. So they check me in, stick me in a room and leave me there for 3 hours. Not one person came in there to see if I was alive and breathing. I could hear them all chit chatting out in the hall. When the doctor finally came in, he asked me how I was. I told him I was upset because I checked myself in saying I was having a problem breathing and not one nurse came in to see if I was actually breathing anymore, he gave me the speech about how busy they all are. So I told him that during my 3 hours, I had learned about 1 nurse’s sick daughter, another’s dog training, a painted bathroom, a basement flood and a couple updates on the Olympic games – sounds real busy to me. He didn’t know what to say.
All I am trying to say is that when a person decided to become a nurse, do they not want to help people? Is it not their job to empathize with a person in pain, an expectant mother’s fears? Is it not their job to make sure the patient stays alive and comfortable? Darlene, we need more nurses like you, someone who cares about a patient and the people who love them. I admire the kind of nurse and person you are. 16 February Along came OwenOur friends and family member were extremely happy to hear about our reconciliation and of course a second baby. They still all had that reserved look on their faces. The one that shows me that they all wonder if there is any way that this baby could belong to a different man. All I could think was, wow, have I just created a soap opera in this small town of ours. I knew it was Tom’s baby. I knew there was no way it could be D’s and the only other person who was 100% sure was D, of course. He knew the last time we had made love was long before I had become pregnant. He did call me at work one day, to congratulate me, with sarcasm in his voice. “you know, I would have given you another child, if that’s what you wanted, I would have loved to have shared a child with you.” I assured him that the reason I ended things between us was not about a baby and that this pregnancy was a surprise to all of us. I thanked him for his well wishes but also reminded him that we could not be in contact anymore. I could not risk my marriage with Tom ever again. He promised he understood but ended the conversation with, “that should be my baby, not his.” With that, he hung up. He loved to have the last word in a conversation and it always had to be a lasting impression. He knew exactly what to say to ensure my thoughts would be of him for at least the rest of the day. I wondered then and I still wonder at times today, what if it had been his baby in my belly? How would my life had turned out? I had dreamt of happily ever after with that man since the day I met him when I was 16. I had him, lost him, found him again and I actually let him go. I shoved him out of my life actually. I can honestly say that if I didn’t have Ella at the time, I would have probably stuck it out with him, I would have tried longer than I did, and I must admit, it probably would have worked. Maybe with a kink here and there, maybe not as perfectly as some marriages, maybe with more fighting than some marriages but it would have worked. It would have had more fire and passion that most marriages of people I know. We would always have wanted eachother and loved eachother. But that is a what might have been for me, for I had Ella. Her life, her future were in my hands and that relationship was not the model I wanted to give her for a happy marriage. So I digress… Owen was born without a hitch and although Tom still had his unspeakable doubts, he stood by me through this pregnancy and was excited. I tried and tried to assure him that I was without a doubt 100% sure that this was his baby and his baby only. He promised me that he believed me and would never ask for a test but he couldn’t control that small part of his brain that wondered. Great, now D rents space not only in my brain but also in his. When Owen was born, there was no denying it. He was Tom’s twin. It was like he could hear all the goings on from inside my belly and decided what had to be done. He had Tom’s darker curlier hair, his eyes looked as though he had taken right from Tom’s sockets – an exact match –fleck for fleck. There was no sign of D’s blonder, fairer looks. I could tell from the second Tom laid eyes on Owen that now he was sure, 100% sure, this was his son and our million dollar family was complete. As he stroked Owen’s head while he lay on my chest, Tom looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry I ever doubted you. Thank you, for my son.”
13 February the answers
I got a little of everything on this question. I am about 5’6, a little taller with my boots on, medium brown hair with blonde highlights. It just about reaches my bra strap now. It is pretty straight. It does get wavy with heat or curlers –lol. I am not stick thin but I don’t think that I am chubby. Sure, there are parts of me that I don’t like but for the most part, I’m pretty happy. I work hard to keep myself toned. My eyes are hazel with flecks of green and when I wear certain things, they almost look green.
I do dress business casual, pants with a great blouse. Pencil skirt, just above the knee so I don’t look trampy – insert rude comment here. At play, I am pretty much a jeans a cute t-shirt, tank top girl. I wear my husbands boxers and a tank top around the house. He really loves it. When we do go out (which isn’t often enough), I try to dress sexy for him but not trashy. Maybe hip huggers with a shirt that will show a bit of my midriff every once in a while, or a skirt and tank top and of course as someone said – the little black dress – I think I have 3 that will be timeless to me.
I can be quite reserved at a party full of strangers but if it is a party full of friends, I am at my best. I try to make sure we all have a great time.
Since I have the kids 99% of the time, I take the SUV which is the same as our car – Acura. My husband’s favourite. I have been begging for a BMW SUV for about 3 years, not that I don’t like the acura - very high end car, maybe a little much for 2 kids to spill their sippy cups. My best friends just got the BMW one and I will admit here but never to my hubby – ours is actually nicer! It is silver.
I must admit I am proud of my decorating sense! My bedroom is a tan colour on the walls and my ceiling is a dark navy blue. It looks amazing – like the ceiling goes on forever.
I just redoracted my main bathroom. I painted it chocolate brown and decorated with bright red towels and vases, candles, etc. it also has one of those vessel sinks that sits on top of the counter with a waterfaill faucet. It is so amazing. I always wanted it but everywhere wanted like $600 for just the sink and I couldn’t justify that. One day, I was surfing EBAY – I became a junkie last summer and I found my sink and faucet for the very justifiable price of $150.00. If any of you ever want to redo a bathroom – buy on ebay not the local bath store or even home depot. My ensuite bathroom is a very light olive green with all brown accessories. Very fresh and clean looking. We have a glass shower and Jacuzzi tub in there. The kids bathroom is done in a tan colour and right now has a mix of princess and spongebob décor. Whatever makes them brush their teeth and wash their hands is what that bathroom is all about!
I think I could talk for hours but when you need me to listen, I am all ears. I talk to one of my best friends every single night without fail for over an hour. We put our kids to bed and then spend an hour or so on the phone. My hubby can’t imagine what we could talk about every night. I missed her so much, I called her twice from florida!! Her husband is gonna make me pay half their phone bill - LOL
10 February I'm back - did you miss me???Hi everyone, I’m home!!! Hope you all missed me. Sorry I haven’t written anything this week, but I am so busy trying to catch up on work and of course on all of your blogs. Its hard to believe how much I missed reading all of your sites while I was away. The vacation was amazing! The kids had an absolutely unforgettable time. We met every character from Cinderella (which made me think of Darlene) to the power rangers. My son is so obsessed with the rangers that when he actually met them, he was star struck. It was so incredible to see. Ella told me that when she is older, she wants to dye her hair blonde just like Cinderella – great! We went on every ride we could. It is the perfect time of year to visit there. The weather wasn’t incredibly hot but there were no waits at all for any ride at any of the parks which is really why we go. If I want a tan, I’ll go to Mexico. Florida is for the rides!!!
I promise to continue my story next week but for today, I will steal something from Cori. I don’t put up any pictures of myself so I was wondering what you all think I look like and what certain things about my life are like. So answer the questions and I will post the answers on Monday!
I am interested in hearing what you think of me!
Have a great weekend!! |
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